Forgiveness is for giving.

"Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed.  When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals-one on his right, the other on his left.  
Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' 
 And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. 
 The people stood watching and the rulers even sneered at him.  They said 'He saved others; let him save himself if he is God's Messiah, the Chosen One.'  
The soldiers also came up and mocked him.  They offered him wine vinegar and said 'If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.'
There was written a notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: 'Aren't you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!'
But the other criminal rebuked him.  'Don't you fear God,' he said, 'since you are under the same sentence?  We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve.  But this man has done nothing wrong.'
Then he said 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.'
Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.'"
Luke 23:32-43

Definitions of forgiveness:
 "To grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve."*

"To give up resentment against or stop wanting to punish (someone) for an offense or fault; pardon."*

(Understand: to "Forgive" does not mean to "be close friends again;"  It doesn't mean that you necessarily trust the other person; It just means the other person no longer owes you anything, emotionally or physically or in any other way.)

In recent years,  I have heard many people say that the reason we are to forgive other people for the wrongs they have done to us is so that we ourselves can be set free.  I don't know where this idea originated, but I know one thing for sure:  

     IT'S NOT TRUE.

     IT'S NOT WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS,

     IT'S NOT WHAT JESUS EVER SAID.

I suppose you could live your life regurgitating that statement if you are not a Christian and don't claim that Jesus Christ is the Lord of your life.  But if you are living your life to follow and serve Jesus, then I urge you to go back and read the bible and read all about forgiveness once again.  

     First of all, If you are a Christian, then you have already been set free from every and any kind of bondage or chain.  Christ came to set you free, and that means FREE!  There is no type of sin, addiction, past hurt, bondage, prison, or sin from which GOD cannot set you free.  Nothing is too hard for Him! 

 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  Galatians 5:1

And so you see, you are already free! 

 You just ARE.   

Walk in that freedom, that lightness.  Learn how.  The only way to learn how to walk is to grow up, like a baby has to grow up and stumbles a lot until he figures out how to walk, then run, then jump and leap for joy.  You learn it by spending time with the one who set you free, in prayer, and in studying His word.  Jesus Himself is the word, (John 1) But His words and ways are preserved in the bible.  You will not know how to tell the counterfeits from the real thing unless you study the real thing for yourself, and not just by what someone else tells you.   Because this statement of "Forgiving Someone Else to Set Myself Free" is often said by well meaning, Jesus loving Christians, too.   It is often said in counseling or healing ministry groups, and often by the leaders of such groups.  And yet it is preposterous to assume that I myself have the ability to set myself free from anything.  If I were  able to set myself free, then why did I need a Savior God to do it for me?  If I were able to set myself free, then why do I eat a whole carton of ice cream whenever I think of painful things that someone else has done to me?  I cannot set myself free from my own bad habits and destructive behaviors.  I cannot set myself free from the pain of someone else having done or said things to me that hurt me deeply.  But My Savior Can!  And that is why I need Him!  He forgave me to set me free.

Because the truth is, you guys, Forgiveness is FOR GIVING.  It's not For TAKING.  

It is also For GETTING, but in the sense of, 

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13-14

And also in the sense that love "...keeps no record of wrongs,"1 Corinthians 13:5

...it for-GETS!

Since Jesus Christ is our example in how to forgive, let's look at the way He forgave.  Did forgiving me set Jesus free?  No.  It killed him completely dead.  Not metaphorically, but literally, every drop of blood in His body dripped out in an effort to forgive me.  First, he was betrayed and rejected by a very close friend, then He was beaten, tortured, spit on, insulted.  He did not even save His own pride, but hung high on a hill, naked with everyone watching.  And even then they continued to taunt Him. 

 "Those who passed by hurled insults at Him, shaking their heads and saying, 'You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself!  Come down from the cross if you are the Son of God!" 

 Matthew 27:39-40

Jesus had already explained why He was not going to save himself from this divine act of forgiveness.  he had already told Peter, 

"Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and He will at once put at my disposal twelve legions of angels?  But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen this way?" Matthew 26:53-54

He could have saved Himself, but He didn't save Himself, because He was trying to save everyone else.  

So you may feel like you are saying a noble thing if you choose to look at forgiveness as being something I do so that I myself can be set free.  But there is nothing noble about that statement.   What is noble is to forgive the least deserving, for the act of setting that person free.  Who is the least deserving?  Well, me of course.  Or if you are reading this out loud, insert your own name.  But hint:  It's not that other person you are struggling to forgive. And though Jesus' forgiveness of me did not set him free, but killed him, in three days, He did come back to life, He did appear to many people, and then He did ascend once again to Heaven, to sit at the right hand of His Father, having fulfilled the entire requirements of the law.  (reason to study the Old Testament as well as the New Testament in the bible...you need to know all of the things that actually happened and were actually required before the death and resurrection of Jesus.)

And here's the real clencher:

 We can't humanly actually forgive anyone on our own.  

Forgiveness is DIVINE. 

 Which means only God can forgive.  But since Jesus completed all that the law required, then ascended to heaven, His Holy Spirit now lives inside all of His children and helps us to do the very things He asks us to do; the very divine things that only the God residing In us can do through us.  

"To all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God."

John 1:12

Things we could never do on our own, for our selves, or even for anyone else.

And that is to forgive,

and to forgive is to set someone else free.

Because I have already been set free.

In other words,

Forgiveness if for giving.  Not for taking.

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.  Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

Ephesians 4:30-5:2

Thank you, Jesus.

Amen

*Definitions of forgiveness written here are a mashup of definitions from Dictionary.com and thefreedictionary.com

Because I don't believe in lying, that's why.

Once upon a time, there lived a lady who didn't believe in lying to her children.  Why?  Because she didn't believe in lying to anyone, and children were someones.  They were the short someones who lived within the walls of her every personal space.  This would never have been questioned if she and her short humans never ventured out of their house.  But since they didn't want to starve or be any more socially awkward than they already were, they ventured out of the house on a regular basis.  Now, the world at large is full of many beautiful sights, sounds, smells, and people.  Especially during the last month of the year, the world at large is full of beautiful sparkling lights and evergreen trees.  And though it is also full of many well meaning and kind humans, a whole lot of them believe in telling their children that Santa Claus is REAL!  Even though they know it is a lie, they believe in telling their children that it's NOT A MADE UP STORY, IT'S REAL, and YOUR PRESENTS DON'T COME FROM MOM AND DAD, THEY COME FROM SANTA!  BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE "GOOD" all year!  AND IF YOU'RE NOT "GOOD" ALL YEAR, THEN YOU'LL ONLY GET COAL FOR CHRISTMAS! 

 (But they're not actually going to give you coal, because no lie perpetuating parent would ever actually give their kid just coal.  And they don't actually keep a standard of what "good" means all year long, or no kid would ever get any presents ever.  So without even realizing it, these parents are showing their children examples of grace, by bestowing gift after gift upon their children on Christmas, lavishing, abundant grace undeserved and unmerited, and not even realizing it.  And Grace comes from God, the Father in Heaven, who is the only one who can truly ever be called "Good."  But I am getting ahead of myself here.) 

  While it's not really my concern what other people choose to tell their children and why, the problem occurs when these same otherwise sane adults expect me to perpetuate the lie to their children for them. 

 "Don't ever tell my children the truth!  And your kid better not ever let on to my kid that it's not true, even though I know and you know and we all know it's not true!  Go ahead and lie with me!"  

    

 Dear All The People,

       No.

I'm not that codependent.

Love, Michelle.

Dear Michelle,

You are the MEANEST MOM on the planet, yes

This is how we see you, and this is why we scowl 

and shake our heads at you when you tell us that 

you don't tell your kids that Santa Claus is real.

Love,

All the people

Because lean in close, I'm about to tell you a secret: Once upon a time, the lady in this story was actually ME!  And the "once upon a time" in this story was ANYTIME I HAD A CHILD!  Which being interpreted means SIX TIMES over the course of SIX EIGHTEEN YEAR PERIODS, many of which overlap, and none of the children have turned eighteen yet, so it's not exactly six times eighteen.

  But whatever!  

I tell my six short personal space invading people that:

Once upon a time, the Savior of the World was born, and He was the long awaited Messiah, the one who would save the people from the curse of sin, and everything evil! 

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder.  For as the day of Midian's defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor.  Every warriors boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire.  For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders.  And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end.  He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.  The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this."
 Isaiah 9:2-7

His mother would have to live with a bad reputation her whole life, since just like today, not everyone believed her story that this child had no earthly biological father because the father of this child was indeed GOD. And then 33 years later, she had to see her baby boy be murdered in the most horrific way possible. But all of this was done because the people needed a Savior.  Do you remember what it was like to be walking in darkness, with heavily clanging chains from which you could never, ever on your best efforts or wishes break free?  After this Son's death and resurrection three days later, all people were able to be reconciled to God in Heaven, because this baby boy was God in human flesh, who wore sin he never committed (mine and yours and all the peoples of all the places of all the times before and now and after, forever) And so this is why we celebrate Christmas!  Our Savior was born, and we no longer have to walk in darkness, if we choose to receive the GIFT of salvation which He gave by dripping out His very last drop of red blood on the cross to cover and cleanse us who would receive Him from our sins.  Now we can live a life where He is the LORD of our lives, and we Take Up Our own Crosses daily, and follow Him as He continually makes us Holy.  But it's not too hard to do, because HIS SPIRIT comes to LIVE INSIDE OF OUR OWN human flesh, and helps us do it, and helps us become more like Christ Jesus, daily!  

"God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God."

2 Corinthians 5:21

You guys.  We can now be FREE, and LIGHT, and have eternal peace!  And after this, HEAVEN, TOO!  

Doesn't that thought just make your mouth water?

And your eyes, too?    

Today, a lady asked me, "Oh, so your kids don't get any presents for Christmas?"  

Of course my kids get presents.  Of course.  Three wise men brought the young Jesus presents when they realized who this child really was.  And they had traveled a long and weary distance just to see Him.  And so now, we also give each other presents on the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus.  He Himself is the best and most amazing present of all time.

  

And because Der Hoy.  Presents are FUN!  EVERYONE likes presents!  So of course my children receive presents.  I don't try to make them tramp down their natural excitement over this part of the celebration of the birth of Christ.  

    Birthday party equals birthday presents.  Fair enough?  Fair enough.

   The Santa Claus idea, it's fun and cute and part of the culture in which we live.  I tell my children this, too.  It's based on a real man named Nicholas who was a devout Christian who lived in the third century B.C.  You can look up the story of his life and what he did to help people.  And if your kids want to get pictures taken with a fat man in a santa suit in the mall, go ahead and do that!  But please.  Don't ask me to lie, don't ask me to perpetuate any of your lies.  

Love, 

The Worst Mom In The World

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor."
Isaiah 61:1-3

Sick to my soul

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these."

-Jesus Christ, 

quoted in Matthew 19:14

Sick baby.

  It's so normal to have a sick baby.  But it knocks you down every time it happens.  And after having had several children, I can tell you that it doesn't get easier on your Mommy heart.  If anything, it gets harder.  My firstborn child had the worst sickness of any of my children.  Infant Botulism at 2 months of age.  Look it up. She could have died.  Every time they get sick, they could die, but really, she could have died.  But I walked through that mostly out of naivety, and the fact that she was my first and only child.  I didn't know any different.  The Lord healed her.  Fifteen years later and she's got straight A's, a collection of stringed instruments which she plays every day,  and a nose ring.  

     But now today, my 6th child, one year old son is just getting over a virus.  At least as of today, we are pretty sure it was a virus.  He had a fever which lasted exactly three days, as the doctor predicted it would, and finally, it broke.   But having to endure those three days of a high fever with my son was hard.  I wept several times.  I didn't like not knowing exactly what was wrong with him, and I wanted him to get well sooner than I saw him getting well.  

And you want to believe he's just like the 99% of babies who have something very common and get well very soon, but there is always that 1% chance he could be one of the ones for whom these symptoms indicate something more sinister and long lasting.  We all know someone who has been through that unimaginable thing with their own children.  We pray daily that we never have to join them in that experience.  But some people actually do end up having to join them in that experience, every day new families get exposed.   

     I can look back over the years and think of various illnesses my children have had.  Most of them were minor, very normal childhood illnesses.  Your basic cold and flu.  All of them had ear infections as babies.  My third baby had to be hospitalized for four days with pneumonia. And every one of those illnesses has ended in the child getting well again. 

 And with every illness, I became a little less me. 

     The Lord came to free us from our chains, and one of the reasons He had to do this was because we kind of like our chains.  When all is well, I keep running back to them, and I wear them like soul jewelry and show them off.  "Look at me, I'm obsess over things I can control because the rest of life is so out of control, so I will worship myself in this way, and make these things submit to my will and discipline, so that I can be on the top of something.  But it's noble, see?  And it's really quite beautiful; let's all admire this about me for awhile."  And even though I think I always know it's weighing down my soul, I don't know how to let go of it, I don't know how I will live without it, so I keep reaching back for the chains that bind, and I keep numbing out the kind of joy that can only come on the backside of having experienced peace through suffering, and I convince myself that it's shiny and pretty. 

 (But in a humble way, right?)

    Then a child gets sick, and all I can hold onto is my baby. 

When a child is sick, my prayers become simply, "Lord, please make him well." because when a child is sick, it breaks my heart, and heartbreak brings clear sight, and my clear sight in that moment shows me that nothing else matters right now. 

Without a thought, I let go of everything else.  The effortless fall away, like feathers.  My soul feels lighter than it used to. I pray it keeps getting lighter, because when your soul gets lighter, you know what it is full of?  

Light. 

 And that light is the glory of God.

So thank the Lord for the painful things in life that have the effect of clarifying what needs to be clarified,  

and loosening what needs to be loosened,

and tightening what needs to be tightened.

And thank God that regardless of the outcome, He is our soul's very ultimate healing.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." 

-Jesus Christ,

quoted in 

Matthew 11:29

The Pain Story.

There is a woman I see on a regular basis in one of the places where I go on a regular basis.  She smiles at me in recognition, but there is so much pain in her eyes.  Her eyes are dark, like they have seen all the things.  There is pain there.  You look in her eyes and want to look away because the pain.  It feels you.  I know that I am sometimes insightful, but I think her pain looks so raw that anyone would see it.  Like she has been through a soul war.  Like it has overtaken her.  But she's still fighting.  But it's taken a deep gash out of the side of her, and now she is still in the process of learning how to walk upright.  

     I've only ever made small talk with her.  My way of trying to reach out, introduce myself, say all the things that have been implied but never spoken out loud.  The "I see you here all the time and wanted to introduce myself, my name is Michelle" kind of stuff.  People react to this by...not really opening up back at you.  They kind of shrug their outer wall a bit and go, like, "huh.  What to make of this one."  Because I am a foreigner in a foreign land.  And this world is not my home.  And not only this world, but this city, too.  I'm actually not from these parts,  and have not adapted to the customs, one of which is, obviously, "leave people alone."  Well OK, I kind of do that but then that gets boring and I can't just not pretend I don't see you here on a regular basis, and I feel we've gotten past the "let's just smile in silence" stage, but maybe to YOU, there is no end to that stage.  So I just...exhale and keep seeing this person on a regular basis, keep wondering what the pain story is behind those eyes. 

She may never ever, like, you know, talk to me or stuff.  But her eyes have spoken and so I silently pray.  How I long to erase all of that sorrow for her.  

I long. 

(Love, Michelle)