16

Sixteen years ago today, I became a mother. I always say that before I had kids, I had decided that I was going to be SUCH A NICE MOM!  And then I actually had the kid, and she was determined to make sure this stay at home mom actually showed up for work every day.  I have always delighted in observing her natural temperment, in so many ways different, oh so very different, than mine.  And yet I birthed her.  Incredible.  Here's the tribute I wrote today, taken directly from my Facebook status:

16 years ago today, I was sitting in the hospital holding my first baby. All I wanted to do was stare at her face, listen to her squeaks, and hold her; I didn't want to put her down. What a life changing day! My heart was wrecked of anything it had ever known before. The world was suddenly full of colors I hadn't realized that I hadn't seen before. For 16 years, I have been challenged by and marveled at this person who has always been such a complete individual, born of me, but so very much her own self, always. I have never been a perfect mom, but I have always kept her snuggled up in my heart. That moment of first motherhood changed me more than just about any other moment of my entire life. When you have a baby, your heart breaks wide open, and grows back bigger and softer than it ever was before. This happens with every baby, but the first baby is the first experience of that breaking. I am so thankful for my firstborn child, my Kristina Marilyn.

Here is a poem I wrote about her in 2008:

River Child

(She is a river that I

cannot wade through;

too deep are it's currents

which lead to the sea

and all of the dreams I

could never imagine

birthed in her the moment

birth pulled her

from me.

I sit on her shore,

and I watch as the water

laps playfully,

carelessly,

dodging my feet

She rushes ahead,

strong and sure and I

hope

that she'll wave once her

river and ocean

tides meet)