I no longer count the miles

"Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly.  For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." -1 Timothy 4:7-8

I run.

Not only from things and those and these, all the obvious, but in the literal sense of the word, I run.  It started off as a whim; my friend and I said "Let's go for a run!"  because we were 20 and we knew that running was good for us.  Then it became a thing I just did.  (her, not so much.) I wouldn't call it a passion so much as it was a drive, and the mental challenge of knowing I had done it even though I knew it would hurt and even though I never felt like running before I had actually run was what kept me going. After a run, you are never sorry that you did it.  

Not ever. 

 Like, not even ever.  

And then you also have the endorphins flooding your brain, and the memory of that is often another factor that keeps you tying yourself into your shoes and out the door.  

     When you tell people you run, they usually ask you if you race, and if you tell them no, they ask you when you are going to start doing races.  I have done one race ever only, and it wasn't a very long race, but it was one of my slowest running times, and the whole thing hurt.  I do not love races.  I do not plan to do any more.  I run with the crowd in my own mind cheering me on.  I run and God goes with me, and we enjoy that.  He tells me things while I run.  I cannot explain that to you.

     My favorite way to run is uphill.

     You can't get a better workout than to run uphill.

     I have not tried all workouts, but go run up a hill, and you will know what I mean.  Regardless of the trends that come and go, running has always been a thing people do.

     My favorite runner in the bible was Elijah.  I find his story to be fascinating.  I especially love that part when after exhausting himself from a long run, he falls asleep under a bush and is soothed by an angel making him warm bread and telling him to sleep some more. (1 Kings 18:45-19:21)

 I just love that story.

     These past few years, I have been mainly running on a treadmill.  I like the fact that I am not subject to the outside terrain, or the weather, or the threat of mountain lions, rattlesnakes, or murderers hiding somewhere up ahead.  I like that I can run on the treadmill without pepper spray.  I like that I can keep the incline as high or as low as I choose, and it will stay there until I change it.

     I keep it all the way up. 

 My theory:  Why not make the most of my time on this machine by cranking the incline all the way up?  I used to hold on to the front of the treadmill as I ran uphill this way.  Awkward and completely not supported by nature to be running uphill yet holding onto something that is not moving up with you.  I could get a lot of miles in that way, though.

But over a month ago, I heard the Lord telling me to let go.

I have been learning to let go in other ways, and here He is coaching me to let go of the treadmill, too.  Now without holding on, I run for 10? 20? seconds at at a time, burst of speed, and then slow down to a fast walk, and then back up to running, then back, and on and on and all the while I am on the highest incline.

    Without holding on, I have to balance myself, my whole body gets into the focus of balancing, righting, correcting what would otherwise be so wrong.  

     I no longer count the miles because the miles no longer matter.  

     I don't pay attention to physical changes on my body because who cares.  I'm doing something good but the focus was never meant to be on me.  

I didn't always realize this; I used running as a form of creating glory for myself.  I did not even consciously think I was doing this, at the time.  But when you feel unloved in life, you will find a way to be noticed.  Notice me, I have worth and significance because I run.  You cannot buy these calves, I had to earn them.  It took years. And that was the motivation of the outdoor runner I used to be.  When I became an indoor runner, my method was not only to push myself as hard and as far as I could with the help of my own mental trainer, (She was a tough one, let me tell you.)  but I would look around the room and think, "make sure you are working harder than anyone else."  Promoting myself to the top, in my own mind.  

     I don't do that anymore.  

At least I sure hope I don't.

     It is dangerous to set up and start to decorate your own inner kingdom.  It becomes an addiction in which you worship yourself.  There can be no peace in that kingdom.  There can only be peace when you submit your desires and wishes for a workout into the authority of the Lord of Lords, who himself gives you the energy and the lungs and the ability with which to use them for the run.  Physical training is of some value.  Some!  But what is it doing for the spirit?  Is it helping or hindering?  Because I believe it can be doing either, depending on where your heart and mind are grounded and centered.  (Remember, I said that God speaks to me when I run?  I cannot explain that to you.) There are definite benefits and concepts you learn while enduring such a thing as a long run.  You learn endurance, to endure, and when you read about such a concept in the bible, it then makes *that much more sense* in the light of the physical feat you can relate to having endured. 

 When your trusted girlfriend encourages you in your mothering by saying, "it's a marathon, not a sprint," how can you truly understand that metaphor if you have never run in each of these ways?

*You understand the usefulness for pain.

*You understand that joy comes on the other side of the pain.

*You understand what it means to do a thing with excellence.

     I pray every day that the Lord will direct even my workout.  It turns out He is an even better personal trainer than the one in my head.  He is also much kinder.  He gives me ideas, and I go with them, and they end up being the most satisfying workouts I would never have thought of on my own. Or else I would have thought of them and then "thought better" of them. 

 Irony there.

 The arrogance there. 

 Prone to injury there.

  

 Our society is obsessed with bodies, with youth, with working out and food.  It tries to contain and control all that God gave us to have freedom and take delight in. The world tries to get you to be obsessed with your body, how you workout, how, when and what you eat, and the sciences change and shift all the time; "we used to think this or that was bad or good for you, now we know that this or that is actually good or bad for you."  It's a never ending treadmill that cannot end well because there is no peace there, just the ever meandering search that keeps you running in circles around your own ever diminishing understanding.  

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

(Even your running paths,

even your nutritional paths.

yes, even ALL of that.)

     I used to like to read fitness and health magazines.  I now see them and feel mainly sad. (Old Wives' Tales, anyone?  1 Timothy 4:7) Why is this woman posed like that, stretching out her naked abs with a smile for all the world to see?  Why do we have to read up on how she obtained them, what exercises in self denial and self restraint and self worship she adhered to so that we all could look upon her abs and bow down in worship and humiliation?  Yet I know she is standing like that and letting the cameras click their instant flash of blink-or-you'll-miss-it glory because that is all she has to live for.  That is all she has to be happy about in a day.  I flip through these magazines quickly now, if I ever do pick them up at the gym.  I flip through to see if there are any helpful tips or ideas I had not thought of; make up ideas I like and want to try, for example.  But never to enslave myself or to make myself feel "less than." This is a fun way to utilize the magazine, but this alone will never satisfy my soul.  That woman on the cover is probably soul starving even though she has had a perfectly proportioned workout, breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  

I no longer count the miles.

I no longer count the calories.

Ironically, I eat healthier than I have my entire life before this moment, and it is full of a balance of colors and healthy fats and more deliciousness than I have ever known.  My life is more delicious than ever before, and I run with God, and I eat until I am satisfied when The Lord Himself becomes my portion.

-XOXO,

(I also find that running uphill is easier on your joints, and I never suffer from things like shin splints and such.)